Twice In A Day - Would You Believe It

Norwich Hotspur 9 (nine) - 1 Hethersett Athletic
Baylis 4, Death 2 (1 pen), Jennings, Miles, Davies
22/11/2009

Sunday 22nd November a team named Hotspur beat a team named Athletic 9 - 1. The team called Hotspur had a quick coloured forward and a very white 6ft 8in bean pole as their strike partnership. The quickie scored a hatfull and the bean pole also scored one. I think the coincidences probably end there, unless Tottenham have a few fat blokes the wrong side of 40 playing for them these days. However, I think it is rather uncanny nonetheless.

Of course Nigel could have spoilt things in more ways than one if he had taken his one on one to make it ten, and worse complete his hatrick.

To prove I haven't made this up here is the Tottenham match report, http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_prem/8365091.stm. For the Norwich Hotspur match report, read on.

After the embarrassment of the last game it was vital I got a reaction from the players. We had made a good start in the league and we needed a win to keep our title ambitions alive but more importantly we needed to restore some pride to the team and ourselves as sportsmen.

Back into the squad came Baylis, Tinky, Shane and the long awaited return from paternal duties of Gazza D. We also had some new blood in the formidable shape of Neil 'No Nonsense' Johnson. Missing was Big Ken Rooney and Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' (and of late Missin') Paul Guzewich.

With Guz out I decided to play Baylis up front and jokingly put him up on the board as Heskey, with Crouch (AJ) making up the front two. What a masterstroke this turned out to be, little did I know that I should have crossed out Heskey and written in Defoe!

Baylis won the toss - hurrah, at last! We decided to stay as we were with the wind and sun at our backs.

First Half

The first 15 mins were, arguably the best football that NHFC have ever played. The passing and moving was awesome and we were 3-0 up before Hethersett had hardly touched the ball. The goals coming from Baylis, AJ and Gazza D all great finishes.

Then Baylis, aka Defoe, took over and bagged another couple before half time. What is most remarkable about this that they were all quality finishes. If you've ever seen Chris play before you will know that he possesses many talents on a football field but finding the onion bag is not one of them - to date he has a collection of scuffs, pokes, prods and his signature finish - the far post closed eyes point blank header.

Nigel completed the first half rout with a well taken penalty, taken well enough that meant even though the keeper got a good hand on it, Nigel was relieved to see the net ripple thereby maintaining his lifetime 100% spot kick record (not sure I believe that, but it makes him feel good about himself).

The only blemish on an almost perfect first half was my yellow card for a rather poorly timed tackle on their gobby no.11, but boy didn't I enjoy taking him out, well worth the fine.

Half Time, 6-0.

The second half was a little trickier as the wind was now agin us and not for us. However, we still played some good stuff and added a further 3 goals to our tally, while only conceding 1, after a slightly dodgy penalty was awarded against Tim Nice But Dim. By the way, Doysy after a penalty the ball goes back to the centre circle for a kick off, not a goal kick!

On for the second half were Shane and Neil and both put in good performances, Shane topping his off with a really well taken goal, reminiscent of Chris Waddle at his best. Neil topped off his performance by lumping into gobby no.11 again, whose afternoon was not going well.

Baylis picked up his 4th and Nigel smashed home his 2nd after some silky skills on the edge of the box by yours truly.

Full Time, 9-1.

There is one more notable incident worth mentioning. Even though he scored four, there is something else that Mr Baylis would want me to write about. It was late in the game, Hethersett had been run ragged and we were still looking full of running.

Especially Mr B. He picked the ball up half way on the left mid way in their half. Off he went on a mazy run slicing through the Hettersett defence, think John Barness in the Maracana, however unlike Barnes our Mr B didn't roll his foot sublimely over the ball to put the keeper on his back side, before cooly slotting the ball into the back of the net and then wheeling away to accept the adulation of his team mates, no our Mr B rolled his foot over the ball, then stumbled, then stumbled again and before losing control only for it to be cleared by the Hethersett defence. He did wheel away towards his team mates, but adulation is not what awaited him, more like cackling hyenas I would say.

Anyway for the full effect, watch this and then imagine John Barness tripping over at the last minute - Chris Baylis it might have been the best goal you will never score.



Ratings

Doy(8) - solid with a couple of great saves, excellent kicking in difficult conditions
Bird(8) - works like a trojan from beginning to end, good distribution, particulary into the box
Walters(7) - one of his quieter games, booked for a mistimed tackle, showed good pace at times
Tink(8) - usual commanding performance, led the line well
Arnold(8) - showed why he is called 'shutout' today, nothing got passed him
Davies(9) - worked really hard, showed real quality on the flank, great to have him back
Miller(8) - best performance to date, a driving force through the middle
Death(8) - a presence in the middle and chipped in with a couple of goals
Kitson(7) - worked hard and provided some quality crosses from the left
Jennings(8) - caused lots of trouble up front and combined well with Baylis
Baylis*(10) - superb performance, quality finishes, worked hard
Johnson(7) - very solid debut, strong in the tackle
Miles(8) - really good, calm on the ball and used it well, great finish for his goal
Culling(7) - did a job, unlucky to concede a penalty

Overall Team Rating (9)

Brilliant team performance, a hatfull of goals and some really good pass and move football, considering the difficult weather conditions. Stood up to the physical challenge both in terms of fitness and the opponents. You make me very proud (wipes a little tear from his eye, mainly due to the lump of mud still in it - honest).

Jem
Head Coach Director of Football Manager
Norwich Hotspur